VIDEO NIGHTS: Gymkata (editor Robert Ferretti in person!)

“The thrill of gymnastics. The kill of karate!” — the actual Gymkata poster tagline!

Spoiler alert: there is so, so much unnecessary vaulting from poles in order to kick ninjas in the face contained here, you’ll be asking — no, BEGGING — for Hollywood to churn out more Olympic gymnast-sploitation. The year was 1985. Patriotism was as high as our collective coke habit; hardbodied Reagan-era musclemen were in short supply and high demand. Hence, MGM proudly announced their next Cold War action star: the compact, yet deadly 5’5″ gold medalist Kurt Thomas. When Uncle Sam must strategically place a nuclear satellite station in the country of Parmistan (yes, Parmistan), the only way to do so is not by typical Black Ops force — but by hiring Thomas to infiltrate and win a deadly obstacle course known as “The Game.” And since Parmistan is a made-up country — why not make it a weird medieval/ninja world where all its inhabitants are psychopaths? And while we’re at it, why not have Cabot save a princess he barely knows, while uncovering the mystery of his dead father? The real question at hand: why wait to singe your corneas on the April 29th solar eclipse, when you could blow them right out of your skull with us, using the time-tested method of Gymkata? Gymkata film editor Robert Ferretti in person!
Dir. Robert Clouse, 1985, analog presentation, 90 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Gymkata”!