UTAH: Troll 2 (star Michael Stephenson in person!)

Bad movies in the 1990s found it impossible to top this offering from the decade’s first year, a mind-roasting experience of joyous incoherence and dazed non-acting from director Claudio Fragasso that offers more entertainment value than all of Uwe Boll’s anemic works combined. Shot in Utah by a crew of Italians (who likely didn’t understand a word being uttered by the actors), it’s the story of the highly dysfunctional and completely clueless Waits family, who decide to swap houses and live for a while in the town of Nilbog, where the vegetarian townspeople have something sinister to hide. Though it has nothing to do with trolls, this does feature aerobics, popcorn as a supernatural sex aid, a ghostly grandpa, people turning into green slush, a sheriff named Gene Freak, the diabolical goblin queen named Creedence Leonore Gielgud, a life-saving bologna sandwich, deeply confusing homoerotic subtext, and the ultimate dinner table spoiler. Every single line of dialogue will wedge itself in your head for eternity, so come forewarned. Michael Stephenson (“Joshua”) in person!
Dir. Claudio Fragasso, 1990, 35mm, 95 min.