Video Nights

VIDEO NIGHTS: Cards of Death (U.S. premiere, filmmaker in person!)

cardsofdeath_website
6/21/2014 - 10:30PM

A sneak peek at the first release from BLEEDING SKULL! VIDEO — the new joint venture between Mondo and the peerless movie review site Bleeding Skull. Plus, filmmaker in person! Shadows stalk the night. Some belong to desperate men in hobo masks, others to knife-wielding New Wave dominatrixes, all cast against the urine-soaked asphalt by the throbbing pulse of sex-colored neon and remorseless gunfire. Unseen since its brief Japanese-only VHS release, this slasher holy grail is a celebration of mankind’s basest sins: cocaine, masochism, gambling, alcoholism and worse are paraded like courtroom evidence in a trial against the human race. The answer to “Who’s to blame?” is shocking: W.G. MacMillan, the hard-times tough guy from Romero’s The Crazies and Eastwood’s The Enforcer who’s had a long, fruitful career in TV. This makes MacMillan a major anomaly in camcorder horror: a seasoned Hollywood professional. Yet he attacked this project with such visceral gusto that you’d assume he’d bubbled up from the sewer, rather than the bright lights of Movieland USA. Goddamn it, they should hand out medals for that kind of thing. Mr. MacMillan, we salute you.
Dir. W. G. MacMillan, 1986, analog presentation, approx. 90 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Cards of Death”!
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VIDEO NIGHTS: Ronny Camaro and Seven Angry Women (filmmaker/star in person!)

ronniecamaro_website
5/31/2014 - MIDNITE

When you dig up an unknown 99-cent-bin movie that lists the same person as writer, director and star, you’re guaranteed to strike gold — and once we snared this shiny nugget, we jumped for joy like toothless prospectors in the 1880s. Seriously, if a scientist cabal were to steal a baby and feed him nothing for the next 30 years but Birth of a Nation and Deuce Bigalow, you wouldn’t get a protag half as shocking as Ronny Camaro. Ronnie and his best bud really want to get their own place, so they hatch a foolproof scheme: 1) rub armpit and ball sweat all over each others’ bodies to attract women; 2) sleep with rich women who’ll give them money in return for being so good at fucking; 3) use said money to live the dude lifestyle. Between the random scenes shot on green-screen, the endless O.J. and Monica Lewinsky jokes, the use of black/brown/gayface, and the twist ending (which left us convinced that Tim & Eric and David Lynch all teamed up for it after a dose of joint brain damage), Ronny Camaro will leave you perma-changed. Writer/director/star Bo Linton in person!
Dir. Bo Linton, 2003, digital presentation.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Ronny Camaero and Seven Angry Women”!

VIDEO NIGHTS: Gymkata (editor Robert Ferretti in person!)

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3/29/2014 - 10:30PM

“The thrill of gymnastics. The kill of karate!” — the actual Gymkata poster tagline!

Spoiler alert: there is so, so much unnecessary vaulting from poles in order to kick ninjas in the face contained here, you’ll be asking — no, BEGGING — for Hollywood to churn out more Olympic gymnast-sploitation. The year was 1985. Patriotism was as high as our collective coke habit; hardbodied Reagan-era musclemen were in short supply and high demand. Hence, MGM proudly announced their next Cold War action star: the compact, yet deadly 5’5″ gold medalist Kurt Thomas. When Uncle Sam must strategically place a nuclear satellite station in the country of Parmistan (yes, Parmistan), the only way to do so is not by typical Black Ops force — but by hiring Thomas to infiltrate and win a deadly obstacle course known as “The Game.” And since Parmistan is a made-up country — why not make it a weird medieval/ninja world where all its inhabitants are psychopaths? And while we’re at it, why not have Cabot save a princess he barely knows, while uncovering the mystery of his dead father? The real question at hand: why wait to singe your corneas on the April 29th solar eclipse, when you could blow them right out of your skull with us, using the time-tested method of Gymkata? Gymkata film editor Robert Ferretti in person!
Dir. Robert Clouse, 1985, analog presentation, 90 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Gymkata”!

VIDEO NIGHTS: Mother Goose Rock 'N Rhyme

mothergoose_website
2/22/2014 - 10:30PM

In case you thought things couldn’t get any more bonkers around Video Nights’ hallowed halls, our latest pick is 96 resplendently shocking minutes of straight-to-video detritus that’ll leave you with a lunch lost and a song in your heart — all populated with an incredible, everyone-but-the-kitchen-sink cast of Hollywood homies. You might ask “What’s the big deal about this benign-looking kids’ TV movie?”, but once you witness this brainbomb, you’ll have many more important questions to ask: how did the makeup artists manage to make the Grinch look pretty? Why does the set look like it was constructed out of old food and misshapen Post-It Notes? Why is everything dizzyingly shot, LSD-style, through a fisheye lens? And who held the gun to the heads of Shelley Duvall, Simon and Garfunkel, ZZ Top, Woody Harrelson, Little Richard, Howie Mandel, Cyndi Lauper, Cheech Marin, Debbie Harry, Bobby Brown, Garry Shandling, The Stray Cats, Katey Sagal, Dweezil Zappa and Pia Zadora to make them all do this?!?! If you saw this as a child, you’re no doubt reading this from a mental institution, because after experiencing this you’ll have nowhere else to go.
Dir. Jeff Stein, 1990, analog presentation, 96 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Mother Goose Rock ‘N Rhyme”!

VIDEO NIGHTS: The Plug Lady

The Pluuuuuuuuug Laaaaadaaaaaay!
pluglady_website
1/18/2014 - 10PM

“A discredit to really talented drag queens everywhere.” – Amazon.com reviewer “Torresongs”

This might be the weirdest movie we’ve ever done here at Video Nights. Hell, could it be the weirdest movie ever played anywhere? How do we even describe this?! A drag queen who calls herself “The Plug Lady” (don’t worry, you’ll NEVER forget her name) moves to the Big Apple, in order to live out her cabaret star dreams. How does she achieve this goal? By leaving drill-to-the-forehead, disturbing “comedy” messages on the club owner’s voicemail, of course. It’s an unfettered, mad vision of a film that combines non-stop innuendos, word jazz, performance art, and late-’90s no-budget filmmaking in a way that is rarely, if ever seen. Conversations between characters seem so pointless, yet so hypnotic — so verbose, yet so mealy-mouthed — and the entire plot unfolds as if a stroke victim blinked the whole thing one “one for ‘yes’, two for ‘no’” at a time. Definitely the first in what we call “RuPaul Pupkin Cinema”. Come in drag and we’ll give prizes! It’s the Pluuuuuuuuug Laaaaadaaaaaay!
Dir. Anthony Saladino, 2004…?, analog presentation, 86 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “The Plug Lady”!

VIDEO NIGHTS: Deadly Prey + Deadliest Prey (cast in person!)

deadlyprey_website
11/30/2013 - 9:30PM

Almost three years ago, Cinefamily and Everything Is Terrible! presented a rarely-seen gem of a tape called Deadly Prey late on a Tuesday night. Little did we know that this unforgettable screening would spark a series of events leading to a sequel, reuniting the original cast. If now isn’t a time to use the phrase “holyfuckingshit”, then we don’t know what is. Join us for a double feature of the original Deadly Prey, followed by the L.A. premiere of Deadliest Prey — all with present & past cast members Ted Prior, Bill Zipp and Dave Campbell in person, who’ll tell the tale of the three-decade voyage to bring both films to the screen. Their anecdotes of Chicago mobsters, Russian millionaires, and enough lite beer and fake blood to stock an apocalypse will have you begging for more!

DEADLY PREY – approx. 10:00pm
Try to imagine if Rambo was playing The Most Dangerous Game in a Battle Royale, but gayer somehow; it’s hard to describe a movie like this without putting on denim short-shorts, oiling yourself up, and serving everyone within a mile radius a knuckle sandwich. Deadly Prey is so hilariously manly, so bonafide badass, so chock-full of fists that we had to punch ourselves to be sure it wasn’t a dream. It all gets more and more insane as it all unfolds, including one of the most memorable murders in cinema history involving a man being beaten to death with his own severed arm. This silly, silly movie — it’s the Casablanca of punching!
Dir. David A Prior, 1987, analog presentation, 88 min.

DEADLIEST PREY – approx. midnight
All your favorite straight-to-video stars have returned for more punching, more screaming, and more severed body parts flying all over the woods. Ted Prior returns as Mike Danton, the most badass Vietnam vet you’d never hope to meet. When Hogan (Dave Campbell) is released from prison (he had a good lawyer, we guess?), there’s only one thing on his mind: to hunt Danton down — but not before putting webcams all over the forest, where the world can watch the carnage live on the Web. It’s just the kind of insanity one would expect from director David Prior (Sledgehammer, Future Zone, Killer Workout.) Also co-starring Zack Carlson (formerly of Alamo Drafthouse), Dimitri Simakis (Everything Is Terrible!) and Suki-Rose Etter (Everything Is Festival!) as a trio of bodacious computer hackers!
Dir. David A Prior, 2013, digital presentation.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Deadly Prey & Deadliest Prey”!

VIDEO NIGHTS: Geteven (director/star in person!)

Director/star John De Hart in person!
geteven_website
6/15/2013 - 11PM

If the Gods Of Holyfuckingshit! were to descend from the heavens and give us their golden nectar, Geteven would be served in a golden funnel — and you would chug every last drop. In 1993, trial lawyer John De Hart traded his suit and tie for a pair of sweatpants and a machine gun, as he wrote, directed, produced, and starred in this unbelievable piece of work. De Hart plays Rick, a cool cop who likes his shirts tucked in and his women turned loose. After Rick and his partner (Wings Hauser!) are betrayed by the maniacal Normad (William Smith!), we go on a rollercoaster ride of unfiltered insanity: drug deals, gunfights, Shakespeare quoting, Huckleberry Finn-inspired cults, Satanism, soapy baths, baby sacrificing and more! We could go on and on about everything we just wrote, but that would spoil the surprise — the surprise being this entire fucking movie. Fans of Wings Hauser will be blown away by his ability to appear to be on both coke and ‘ludes at the same time. And we GUARANTEE you will want “The Shimmy Slide” to be the song played at your funeral. Geteven is a gift straight from the heavens. Bow before it. Director/star John De Hart in person!
Dirs. John De Hart & James Paradise, 1993, analog presentation, 90 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Geteven”!

VIDEO NIGHTS: Scream Factory presents "Ninja III: The Domination" (Blu-Ray release party!) + Harmon & Schrab's Found Crap 10

Flashdance meets The Exorcist!
ninjaiii_website_final
6/1/2013 - 10:30PM

PRESENTED BY SCREAM FACTORY

An absolute Video Nights favorite — it’s Flashdance meets The Exorcist meets Enter The Ninja! When Ninja III: The Domination hit theater screens in 1984, it was immediately hailed as a brave and important film, one of Hollywood’s first to deal openly with the contemporary issue of ninja spirit possession. Lucinda Dickey (star of the Breakin’ mini-franchise) plays an aerobics instructor taken over by the ghost of a bloodthirsty ninja warrior — and when she takes revenge against his murderers (which here equals the entire Phoenix police force), the sword-wielding badass Sho Kosugi must lock horns with our svelte anti-heroine. Even with the above description, it’s difficult (and great fun) to put into words up just how off its rocker this legendary slab of neon delirium really is: from one of the most inexplicable opening sequences in all of martial-arts cinema, in which “the golf course slaughterstorm immediately sets the stage for an IQ-shattering attack against all five senses” (Alamo Drafthouse) — to sexual antics more at home on the planet Mars than in the suburban Southwest — Ninja III will blow your booty to bits. Come celebrate NINJA NIGHT with us dressed as a ninja and we’ll give you stuff! The show begins with the latest installment of found footage fuckery from Dan Harmon and Rob Schrab, both in person (schedules permitting.) Plus, Ninja III stunt co-ordinator Steve Lambert will be here for a Q&A after the film!
Dir. Sam Firstenberg, 1984, 35mm, 92 min.

Watch Cinefamily superfan Brad McLaughlin’s original trailer for “Ninja III: The Domination”!

VIDEO NIGHTS: The Drifting Classroom

Never released on DVD, even in Japan!
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5/11/2013 - 11:59PM

Never released on DVD — even in Japan! For the lucky ducks reading this who’ve seen Nobuhiko Obayashi’s masterpiece House, you know that the man knows how to make a crazy movie. The normal language of film you’re accustomed to is left for dead, with virtually every aesthetic choice being completely hypnotic and magical. Loooosely based on the manga by visionary Kazuo Umezu (“Cat Eyed Boy”), The Drifting Classroom’s “international high school” is populated by a ragtag team of Annie-esque English-speaking kids of all stripes. During an impromptu jam session of “Here Comes The Bride”(?!), a tornado hurls the entire school into an alternate dimension time-slip — and as the baffled students and faculty (led by ‘50s teen idol Troy Donahue) navigate through a desert wasteland, giant bugs tear through the children like twigs, a gripping madness immediately sets in with the children, and hell breaks loose at every turn! With an impossible Neverending Story-meets-Twilight Zone vibe, the fantastic and the bleak blend together beautifully with this baby; this one is so face-melting your head will be a panini by the time it’s over.
Dir. Nobuhiko Obayashi, 1987, digital presentation, 104 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for The Drifting Classroom!

VIDEO NIGHTS: Cyborg Saturday (feat. "Manborg" [West Coast premiere!] and "Eliminators")

Manborg cast/crew in person!
manborg_website2
4/13/2013 - 10:30PM

Suit up, Super Cybernauts! Video Nights brings you a robotical double-header celebration of the eternal struggle between man and machine. First up, the West Coast premiere of Manborg! This giddy, gleeful throwback to ‘80s man-bot cinema (think RoboCop and Cyborg) will blow you away with its low-budget allure and high-budget heart. Hell has risen from below and taken over the Earth, and even a ragtag group of rebels can’t put a stop to Count Draculon and his minions. Who will save the world and kick the bad dudes back to Hell? The title says it all: Manborg will leave you feeling nostalgic and jealous of those with mechanical bods. As if that isn’t enough action for one night, we’re proud to present a rare 35mm print of perhaps the greatest cyborg-ninja-cowboy-scientist movie ever made. Eliminators combines everything you love about ‘80s cinema, all wrapped up in one shiny, goofy metal package. Everything Is Terrible! will also be there to give a brief history of cyborg-cinema with a mondo mix that will melt your metal face and boil your bionic eyes! Manborg cast/crew members in person!
Manborg Dir. Steven Kostanski, 2011, digital presentation, 70 min.
Eliminators Dir. Peter Manoogian, 1986, 35mm, 96 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Cyborg Saturday”!

Watch the trailer for “Manborg”!
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Watch the trailer for “Eliminators”!
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VIDEO NIGHTS: 777 (cast and crew in person!)

World premiere!
777_website
3/16/2013 - MIDNITE

Tucson, Arizona is a weirrrrrrd place to be a teenager: no natural water for hundreds of miles, poisonous snakes and bugs, and to top it all, you’re in fucking high school. In 1997, a group of freshmen wanted something more, so they borrowed their parents’ camcorders, whipped up gallons of fake blood, and spent over two years making 777. What they may have been trying to achieve, we’ll never know, but what they came up with is truly bizarre and equally astonishing; fans of Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation will appreciate the heart these kids had. In it, a serial killer kills his mother, then another serial killer, and then he meets an additional serial killer — and then a different serial killer tries to kill the serial killer. S.O.V. (Shot On Video) Horror like this comes rarely in a lifetime, and we are super-proud to be the first theater in the world to screen this lost gem. Plus, the cast and crew are reuniting from all across the country for this event!

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “777″!

VIDEO NIGHTS: Geteven (director/star in person!)

Director/star John De Hart in person!
geteven_website
2/16/2013 - 10:30PM

If the Gods Of Holyfuckingshit! were to descend from the heavens and give us their golden nectar, Geteven would be served in a golden funnel — and you would chug the shit out of it. In 1993, trial lawyer John De Hart traded his suit and tie for a pair of sweatpants and a machine gun, as he wrote, directed, produced, and starred in this unbelievable piece of work. De Hart plays Rick, a cool cop who likes his shirts tucked in and his women turned loose. After Rick and his partner (Wings Hauser!) are betrayed by the maniacal Normad (William Smith!), we go on a rollercoaster ride of unfiltered insanity: drug deals, gunfights, Shakespeare quoting, Huckleberry Finn-inspired cults, Satanism, soapy baths, baby sacrificing and more! We could go on and on about everything we just wrote, but that would spoil the surprise — the surprise being this entire fucking movie. Fans of Wings Hauser will be blown away by his ability to appear to be on both coke and ‘ludes at the same time. And we GUARANTEE you will want “The Shimmy Slide” to be the song played at your funeral. Geteven is a gift straight from the heavens. Bow before it. Director/star John De Hart in person!
Dirs. John De Hart & James Paradise, 1993, analog presentation, 90 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Geteven”!

VIDEO NIGHTS: Traxx (star Shadoe Stevens in person!)

Shadoe Stevens in person!
traxx_website
9/15/2012 - 10:15PM

His voice oozes sex — his hair is like a golden waterfall. When there’s no one left to clean up the scum — you gotta call Traxx! Broadcasting legend Shadoe Stevens’ (Hollywood Squares, “America’s Top 40″, SoCal’s mythical “Federated Group” commercials) foray into feature film action stardom is equal parts cop movie, spoof, buddy comedy and completely inexplicable Video Nights fodder. After battling his way through El Salvador, the Middle East and Nicaragua, ex-mercenary Traxx retires to a life of baking gourmet cookies — but, strapped for cash, heads to a crime-infested Texas burb to punch pimps, blow up brothels, and mash maniac mobsters for pay. Sure, he may go a tad overboard (slaughtering the entire red light district, hanging corpses upside-down from street lamps, etc.) but the slapstickiness of it all makes Traxx as light as whipped shortbread. Shadoe shows he’s much more than a face for radio — and an onslaught of zingers, Raimi-esque gonzo physical comedy and seriously buzzonkers action makes Traxx truly unique viewing. We do know that if you were to take a drink of water every time Traxx shoots a bad guy, you would drown halfway through the film. Schedule permitting, Shadoe Stevens will be here to introduce the film!

Watch an excerpt from “Traxx”!
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VIDEO NIGHTS: American Commando Ninja

The ninja movie to end all EVERYTHING!
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7/21/2012 - 11PM

“Recoil in terror as you realize that the filmmakers could only afford ONE blank bullet for the entire end sequence.” — Rinkworks.com

“I don’t even know what to say about this movie.” — Letterboxd.com

The Cinefamily would like to apologize for our lack of ninja film screenings since our inception in 2007. However, we FUCKING PROMISE that American Commando Ninja makes up for the loss by a factor of about ten billion! This mid-’80s SOV (shot-on-video) masterstroke contains a plot so vague and unfocused you’ll think you’ve gone blind: a “really good” (read: non-American, non-commando, barely a ninja) guy must travel the globe to fight a gang of bad ninjas who have “germ warfare” and “hocus pocus.” That’s it. That’s the plot!!!! “Hold on,” you ask, “how do they fill the running time?” By making you laugh so hard you’ll wish you brought a suicide capsule to end the onslaught of belly aches. If this movie were a child, you’d want to shake it really hard and say “What the hell is the matter with you?!” Don’t forget to bring your favorite golden analog nuggets to play after the screening for an off-the-wall VHS party: we’re gonna rev up the VCR, grab what you guys give us, and let the good times roll. Only the Cinefamily brings your parents basement to YOU! VIVA LA VIDEO NIGHTS!!!
Dir. Lo Gio, 1988, analog presentation, 86 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “American Commando Ninja”!

Hamburger: The Motion Picture

Boobs, boners and burgers!
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6/9/2012 - 10PM

If you’re going to base a movie on a food, why waste your time with Fried Green Tomatoes or Chocolat? Give the people what they want; boobs, boners, and burgers — and don’t forget super-offensive “humor”, explodin’ fartin’ fatsos, pool parties, and race riots! Hamburger: The Motion Picture follows Russell, a 21 year-old kid (who looks 42) in need of a college degree if he wants to see one red nickel of his family’s inheritance. The one crippling handicap that prohibits this from happening: any woman that crosses his path takes off their clothes and starts fucking him. After a string of lewd ‘n nude conduct, his parents force him to attend the only college that will accept him: Busterburger U! The film’s got a whole cast of kooks sure to offend even the sleaziest of sleazebags: the horny Latino roomie, the horny MILF, the horny Mexican revolutionary, and a gaggle of other horny stereotypes, plus the Chicago Bears’ Dick Butkus as the evil drill sergeant determined to make all of their lives a living hell. Think Full Metal Jacket meets Good Burger! All of this leaving your mouth watering? Cinefamily also has you covered with a full-on burger bar, plus an all-new found footage pre-show focused on fast food/industrial training films. Viva la Video Nights!
Dir. Mike Marvin, 1986, analog presentation, 90 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “Hamburger: The Motion Picture”!

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