Mondo Kiddo

For those seeking the bizarre, the nightmarish, the hallucinatory — your search is over. You need look no further than the mind of a child. The only thing more freakish may be the minds of the child-men who try and recreate that world, the shyster businessmen attempting to approximate it for profit, and the mutated cinematic miscarriages that can sometimes result. While all good childrens’ stories have a sinister element — from David Copperfield’s dead parents to Willy Wonka’s homicidal streak — when the balance of safety and danger is mishandled, these tales can tip into the psychotic.  For “Mondo Kiddo”, we collect some of our favorite oddities and freaks from the phantasmagoria that is juvenile entertainment.  Like a sleazy second-rate circus or a rickety aging amusement park, these childrens’ movies can inspire equal parts wonder and terror, made all the more discomforting by the lacquer of sugary sweetness which belies the insanity within.

7 Lucky Ninja Kids

Kids beating up adults! Adorable breakdancing!
9/24/2011 - 10:30PM
Co-presented by Everything Is Terrible!

Kids beating up adults! Adults beating the shit out of kids! No regard for copyright law! Adorable breakdancing! This may be EiT!’s favorite kids’ flick, and soon you will know why. Made in 1986, the peak “holyfuckingshit!” year of our lord, 7LNK does you the favor of leaving out any boring lulls by packing one pint-sized punch after another. When “Rocky” returns from America to reunite with his six homies (sporting names like Little Fatty, Two Teeth and Bumpkin), it all takes an immediate turn for the worse when they get entangled into a diamond exchange gone horribly wrong. The second there’s even an ounce of trouble, the kids start kicking ass right away, and when “Big Boss” hears of the kiddie crimebusters, his henchmen (also named Fatty and Dummy?!) follow them through every mall, roller rink and disco in town! Fans of Survivor’s track “Burning heart” will not be let down, for this song plays constantly over the sounds of screaming children and punching Foley art! We’re doing out best to describe all this, but frankly some films are beyond words. They should’ve sent a poet…
1989, VHS presentation, 90 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s trailer for “7 Lucky Ninja Kids”!

Andy And The Airwave Rangers (co-star Chuck Kovacic in person!)

The legendary Corman-prodcued kiddie omnibus freakout!
9/10/2011 - 10PM
Co-presented by Everything Is Terrible!

Fun fact: This one goes on every member of Everything Is Terrible’s top-ten lists, and is a huge inspiration for their films! The Roger Corman-produced Andy & The Airwave Rangers is a real doozy, ‘cause it’s more than a dozen movies in one. We don’t mean that metaphorically; it’s actually a bunch of other Corman fantasy and action movies glued together by ominous child-rape and VHS nostalgia! On a trip to something called a “video store,” Andy is given an “Incredible Video Adventure” tape by a creepy clerk (à la The Neverending Story), which sucks his sister through the TV (à la Poltergeist) and into the hands of the evil Lord Chroma, who plans to use her pale skin to paint the walls of his castle (à la Silence Of The Lambs!) As our hero leaps into the video wasteland, he green-screens his way into a bunch of highly inappropriate flicks like Chopping Mall and Deathsport, accompanied by bookending SFX sequences that even a six-year-old would scratch their head over. “This funky omnibus of nonsense couldn’t possibly count as a movie,” you say? Then if calling this a movie is wrong, we don’t wanna be right! But wait, there’s more — Chuck Kovacic (aka “Lord Chroma”) will be here in person to discuss this madness, as we try and piece it all together! Plus, the show opens with a silly selection of other EIT-curated kiddie freakouts!
Dir. Deborah Brock, 1988, VHS presentation, 75 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s trailer for “Andy And The Airwave Rangers”!

The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (co-stars Mackenzie Astin & Arturo Gil in person!)

Being gross never felt so good!
9/3/2011 - 10PM
Co-presented by Gallery 1988

“In the flatulence of Windy Winston, or the halitosis of Foul Phil; in the juxtaposition of Ali Gator and Greaser Greg’s very destructive, yet very different lusts for flesh; in the seeming urinary incontinence of Nat Nerd; in the magic mucus of Messy Tessy; and in the green stream that gives Valerie Vomit her namesake — in each of these, there is a sort of ontological anarchy, chaos as being…” — Andrew Hedden, Bright Lights Film Journal

Being gross never felt so good! Take our hand as we pay homage to the greatest, grimiest and downright weirdest feature film ever based upon the magic of childrens’ trading cards! Made at the very height of late ‘80s Garbage Pail Kids fever, this live-action origin tale takes some of the card line’s most famous mutants and posits them as a Greek chorus of confidantes to Dodger (Mackenzie Astin), a 12-year-old boy out to both defeat brain-dead bullies and win the heart of a disinterested teenage New Wave fashion designer. This potentially wholesome affair is liberally doused with enough farting, beer drinking, hair-sniffing, puking, sewer diving, wink-wink pedophiliac subtext, booger-picking and musical numbers to send any parent screaming for the hills — making TGPKM the very definition of sublimely so-wrong-it’s-right late-night viewing. Did we mention the musical numbers? Schedules permitting, co-stars Mackenzie Astin and Arturo Gil (“Windy Winston”) will be here for a Q&A after the film — plus, join us on the back patio for the unveiling of Gallery 1988’s newly-commissioned GPK-themed art show!
Dir. Rod Amateau, 1987, 35mm, 96 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s trailer for “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie”!