Cinefamily Ringtones
CINEFAMILY RINGTONES: 100 Most Outrageous Fucks!
Cinefamily’s 100 Most Outrageous Fucks – “Twentynine Palms” Orgasm of the Century! (iPhone ringtone)
Last night’s premiere of our “100 Most Outrageous Fucks” show was a mindmelting good time — and even though the entire programming team is completely numbed to all things sexual, the one clip that made us spazz out in bouts of laughter every single time we viewed it was the “orgasm of the century” moment from Bruno Dumont’s controversial 2003 film Twentynine Palms. Full of bizarro depictions of sex that could either be interpreted as visceral or buffoonish (depending on the viewer’s mood), the film’s one outrageously unforgettable moment that stands above all others is the scene where “Katia” is giving “David” some rather roughly hewn fellatio, and “David” ejaculates with such growling diseased insanity that you’re left in shock — or in a giggle fit.
Therefore, a perfect audio moment for your ringtonin’ to unsettle other patrons while in line at the bank, or your relatives at family gatherings!
CINEFAMILY RINGTONES: "Skidoo" LSD Freakout!
DOWNLOAD: “Skidoo” (iPhone ringtone)
One of the most notorious moments in the legendary whack-a-doo late ’60s Otto Preminger film Skidoo (which Cinefamily had the pleasure to screen a few months ago) is when Jackie Gleason takes an LSD trip while inside prison. This happens to be one of the freakier drug trip scenes in all of Hollywood history, buoyed by Preminger’s real-life experiments with acid.
In-between floating mathematics and Groucho Marx’s head plunked down on the head of a screw, Jackie moans. Moans A LOT. Quite beautifully, in fact.
CINEFAMILY RINGTONES: "Son Of Dracula"
DOWNLOAD: “Son Of Dracula” (iPhone ringtone)
Your new favorite sound. It will burn in the brain of everyone in the bank teller line, fer sure!
CINEFAMILY RINGTONES: "Death Wish 2"-O-Rama
Negativland – “Helter Stupid”: Death Wish 2 (iPhone ringtone)
The first time I heard Negativland, I was in junior high, and I’d just checked out a cassette of their 1989 album “Helter Stupid from the Beverly Hills Library. I’d borrowed it at the same time as the cassette of the Eraserhead soundtrack; I think the “Helter Stupid” tape was in the same “Experimental” or “Other” section. The full brilliance of this Negativland album was not felt by me until high school, as its masterful documentation of the band’s media prankery was easily over my head — but one highly-memorable audio sample on the album stuck with me from the beginning.
Flash-forward about 15 years, and I’m working alongside Cinefamily co-programmer Tom. I can’t remember exactly how our mutual feelings for Negativland’s devilish Death Wish 2 radio commercial sampling arose, but when it came about, it was there to stay. The office in-jokes between Tom and I often reach Joycean levels of intricacy, and are frequently built around the most moronic pieces of media possible that we stumble across. On Side 1 of “Helter Stupid”, for about twenty seconds, Negativland harps on and completely destroys the radio spot announcer’s baritone rumbling of the movie title Death Wish 2 — and for MONTHS ON END, we fixated on the announcer’s particular grave seriousness.
It started with us saying to each other “Death Wish 2″ in even graver tones at inappropriate random moments. It then mutated into us stopping each other’s conversations by taking the last thing the other had just said, repeating it back to them in that gravest tone, and adding a “2″ at the end (if I mentioned my bike tire was a little low, and grabbed a bike pump, he would say to no one in particular: “Bike Pump 2″. If the microwave went off and he said “I’m gonna grab my lasagna”, I would say to no one in particular: “Lasagna 2″.) It later went even further, as we repeated/added a “2″ in front of anything anyone else in the office said at any moment. This was a glorious, bottomless well of stupid.
The furthest reaches of this compulsion, the dumbest depth of this craze, was the time when it was Tom’s birthday, and Suki wanted us to get him an ice cream cake from Baskin-Robbins. She called up the nearest branch, and when they asked her what she wanted written on the cake, she turned to repeat the question to me — to which I of course replied: “Death Wish 2″. When he got the cake, Tom was stoked. I was stoked. And it seemed like the perfect moment to put the joke to sleep.
That doesn’t mean we’ve stopped saying it altogether. It pops up from time to time, at moments when we think the other has mostly forgotten that the joke’s legacy has evaporated. When you come to the theater next, and see one of us in the lobby — you might just hear us mumble to each other: “Death Wish 2″. Or “Popcorn 2″. Or “Bed, Bath & Beyond 2″. The list goes on and on.
"DANGEROUS MEN" free ringtone!
An accidental master of the fully synthesized soundtrack, John Rad’s compositions for his feature film Dangerous Men are powerful earworms, capable of embedding themselves deep in your brain, coloring the rest of your day with their catchy, inimitable weirdness.
The title-card track, the one which inspired all those listening to clap along to Sunday’s screening, is the crème de la crème of minimalistic, digital funkiness. To put it bluntly, I challenge you not to pigeon neck to this class-A track.
It’s like John Rad is the Stephen Hawking of funk, a true genius of boogieology confined to a compressed range of tinny, bloopy bleeps and jagged saw waves – somehow capable of expressing the brilliance and universality of his musical ideas despite the crippling limitations of his audio interface. This shit is groovy on a budget, yo.
The song’s structure also invites participation. One cycle through the repetition and you’re begging for that incredible descending riff, the one that teases you with the perfectly timed cymbal crash before diving down your ear-hole. Halfway through our Everything Is Festival! screening of the film, everyone in the audience was trying their best to sing along and clap to the beat. I caught a few folks muttering about how badly they wanted the soundtrack. While we may never have a full Dangerous Men OST, we’ll sure as hell give you funk junkies your fix.
And for the hardcore fans, here’s a ringtone version for the iPhone – you’ll probably miss a few phone calls just to hear it play through.
Enjoy.
John S. Rad – Dangerous Men Theme Song (MP3)
John S. Rad – Dangerous Men Theme Song (iPhone ringtone)
