VIDEO NIGHTS: American Commando Ninja

“Recoil in terror as you realize that the filmmakers could only afford ONE blank bullet for the entire end sequence.” —

“I don’t even know what to say about this movie.” —

The Cinefamily would like to apologize for our lack of ninja film screenings since our inception in 2007. However, we FUCKING PROMISE that American Commando Ninja makes up for the loss by a factor of about ten billion! This mid-’80s SOV (shot-on-video) masterstroke contains a plot so vague and unfocused you’ll think you’ve gone blind: a “really good” (read: non-American, non-commando, barely a ninja) guy must travel the globe to fight a gang of bad ninjas who have “germ warfare” and “hocus pocus.” That’s it. That’s the plot!!!! “Hold on,” you ask, “how do they fill the running time?” By making you laugh so hard you’ll wish you brought a suicide capsule to end the onslaught of belly aches. If this movie were a child, you’d want to shake it really hard and say “What the hell is the matter with you?!” Don’t forget to bring your favorite golden analog nuggets to play after the screening for an off-the-wall VHS party: we’re gonna rev up the VCR, grab what you guys give us, and let the good times roll. Only the Cinefamily brings your parents basement to YOU! VIVA LA VIDEO NIGHTS!!!
Dir. Lo Gio, 1988, analog presentation, 86 min.

Watch Cinefamily’s original trailer for “American Commando Ninja”!